Posted March 9, 2011    

•Winter Funk

•State Tournaments

•Justin Morneau

•Brad Childress

•Joe Mauer

Don’t Let Winter Funk You Out 

Aw-shucks.  Winter sucks.  

I get it.  I just came inside from shoveling.  One snow drift was so high the snow came tumbling toward me after I tossed a scoop of the powdery stuff off the shovel.   

Yeah, I heard a report we had a near record Twin Cities amount of snow for December-February.  And we aren’t done yet, but let’s not feel sorry for ourselves even though it’s been so long since we wore our bikinis we have no idea where they are, or if they fit. 

As a public service, Sports Headliners will brighten outlooks and polish attitudes  today.  Read this therapy-filled column and see if you can at least cut your misery index in half.  

Today’s snowfall won’t total the double digits anticipated last week.  Whoopee! 

By April 15 you will have filed your taxes and it should be safe to put the patio furniture on the deck.  What a relief not to be working for Uncle Sam until next year!  

Golf season looks like a cinch to begin by Cinco de Mayo. 

After a five-year layoff, I am planning to re-start tennis.  Eventually outdoors. TBD. 

Give yourself something to look forward to or be appreciative about.  Here’s an exaggerated example: 

Be grateful there are no pirates on the Mississippi River.

 

The local golf season looks like a cinch to begin by Cinco de Mayo.   

Find Comfort in Our Sports Teams 

March means something in Minnesota besides snowstorms.  State tournament time is an opportunity to watch dedicated teenagers striving to create moments they and their friends will never forget.  The admission prices are minimal.  Your rear end in the stands makes a commitment to the worthiness of high school sports.  Go!  (Even if it’s snowing). 

Be alert for opportunities to laugh at yourself…and journalists.  Like the media guy who refers to that Catholic high school in St. Louis Park as “Benilde-St. Mary’s.” 

This has been a long season for our local sports heroes.  The Gophers, Timberwolves and Wild have frequently offered minimal relief from the winter funk.  But, hey, at least we’re not a “cold Omaha.”  We have major league sports franchises.   

Feeling better? 

How about this?  None of our teams, including the basketball Gophers who won a half dozen conference games, are winless this winter.  

And the Twins will win another Central Division title, the stands will be packed at Target Field and Justin Morneau will hit booming home runs.  (No Twins postseason predictions allowed. This is a feel better session). 

There will likely be more weather delays at Target Field this year than during the first season but after the winter we’re experiencing who cares?  Chug down some tall beers and listen to the sweetest sound in the world: your voice chortling “Take Me Out to the Ball Game.” 

The Wolves will have a lottery pick (surprise!) in the June NBA draft.  Don’t you love consistency? 

Then there’s Gophers football and the annual spring game to look forward to on April 23.  Yes, the program has been down for about 40 years, but how about those national championship teams in the 1930s and 1940s?

 

Formula for a Happier Winter: Candy Diet 

All those Brad Childress bashers out there should still be happy about the dismissal of the Vikings coach last fall.  The social media crowd and stadium drunks got a coach fired less than 11 months after his team was within a play of the Super Bowl.  

The Vikings may or may not win legislative approval for a new stadium this spring, but take comfort in knowing that the politicians, nationally and locally, can be counted on to put their interests aside and do the right thing for the public.  (Don’t hurt yourself laughing!) 

Perhaps by carelessly mentioning the IRS and politicians I have added to your misery index.  A long time pal who lives in another frozen, snow covered state may have the ultimate cure: 

A reckless diet.   

He’s partying with Milk Duds.  Multiple times a day he uses the famous candy as the center piece of a diet that could also include eggs, pancakes, hash browns, burgers, pizza and Pepsi.  Wikipedia, by the way, describes Milk Duds as a product “historically enrobed with milk chocolate and currently enrobed with a confectionery coating.”  That’s nice enrobing.  

No mention of fruits and vegetables by my friend.  If we can’t grow them for long periods of time why should we eat them? 

So feel better by eating what you want and improve that attitude as spring (promise) approaches.  Joe Mauer is signed long term.  The Vikings haven’t backed up the moving vans to Winter Park.  The University of Iowa was listed No.2 by Sports Illustrated in a story about college football programs with the most players having police records while the Gophers didn’t even crack the top 25.   

Things could be worse.  Gas costs less than $4.00 a gallon.  Your insurance plan probably pays for mental health coverage.  The ice will be off the lakes (at least the local ones) in time for the fishing opener.   

Just like the teams tell us in their advertising, email and publicity messages: life is good…even in winter.   

 

   Brad Childress

 Joe Mauer
Photo courtesy of Minnesota Twins